Sarcoma Awareness

...is something I want to be a part of but Im just not ready.  Im not ready to know the stats, to see other patients, to be a part of something I truly know nothing about.  Since I was diagnosed on August 23,  I have never once googled or looked up synovial sarcoma, sarcoma, cancer, chemotherapy, radiation or anything that has to do with my diagnosis. I didn't want to know stats, I didn't want to hear about someone else's story, I didn't want to hear how hard or not hard treatment was going to be. I wanted to take my journey as my own with out any "internet influence". The things I do know about my diagnosis and all the went/goes with it is from my doctors and thats it. The internet can be scary and I didn't want that. I wanted to be naive about the situation I was in and just hope and pray for the best and that is what I've done. Eventually I want to be part of a movement to raise awareness of Sarcomas because its ugly, scary and not fun.

One day I'll be ready.....

Sad Realization....

I try to always be positive but this is something that truly bothers me and makes me sad.

For those of you that don't know my husband, Nathan, is a nurse. I am a very proud wife that my husband has such a selfless profession. Anyway because of this he has had many patients whose families have donated organs once they know there is no longer hope for a meaningful life or survival. This is something I feel very strongly about and the other day Nathan & I talked about it because he wanted to make sure there isn't a question or hesitation if we're ever faced with this decision. I told him I want my organs to be donated and then we both got quiet and I told him, "they probably don't want or will not be able to use my organs".  It made me very, very sad and something I hadn't even thought about until a few days ago. Stupid cancer!!!! I did some research about it today and depending on each cancer & case certain body parts (skin, eyes, etc)  can still be donated but organs aren't likely. I know that once my spirit goes to heaven there is nothing left but a body and I want it to help others in anyway it can.   

They said to still continue to check donor & let the Doctors make the decisions

So I will always be a donor and very proud of it :)

Sorry for the sad post but this is my journal of my journey and this is part of it, its what Im feeling and thinking...I'll be back again soon with something more uplifting :)

Just be Grateful....

We have this inside joke with my Nana, Capa and Aunt about "Just being grateful"...in every complaint we found something to be thankful for.... Example: my aunt says she hate putting away dishes from the dishwasher and we told her just be grateful you have dishes to put away...or I was telling them I hate folding laundry and they said be just be grateful you have laundry to fold...and so on...it was really funny and we teased about it and laughed until our tummy's hurt and we were crying. Even though we were teasing and it was fun we know how blessed we are, grateful we need to be & how we need to see the positive in everything even something as simple as laundry. So here's a list of a few random things Im thankful for: *house to clean *car to put gas in *food to cook *a dog to walk *laundry to wash *family to visit *

Sometimes....

I miss my long hair....

But its just hair and it'll grow long again soon enough =)

Perfect Picture Frame...

So if you've been following my journey you know my favorite Bible verse is Jeremiah 29:11. It has helped me so much from the very beginning. It reassures me of God's plan for my future! Well for Christmas my parents got me the perfect picture frame!!!! I love it!

This Little Piece of Paper....

was one of the hardest thing I've ever earned.   I worked hard and spent many hours earning my college degree but earning this was much more difficult.  Im very blessed that the radiation was focused on my wrist so it only made me nauseous during the beginning & not as tired as most radiation patients though it still wasn't easy.  It made my day and made me cry when I got this in the mail...it is very nice of the office to do this for their patients. It really meant a lot to me. Its the smallest things that count the most :)

I blurred out some of the private info so thats why it might look off centered in places :)

Radiation Recap:
41 visits to the radiation office
I drove over 2100 miles, which means over 61 hours in the car
I spent over 21 hours in the radiation office

& a little recap from when this whole cancer journey started back in August....so I'll remember down the road when I make this blog (my journal) into a book

I've had over 15 Dr. Visits with 8 different Doctors
1 Full Body PET/CT Scan
2 MRI's
2 CT Scans
1 Ultrasound
& 3 Surgeries.....

Whew!!!! It makes me tired just trying to think back on everything. Even though its been a month since my radiation ended it feels like so long ago somedays and just like yesterday others....

The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. Psalm 18:2

Christmas....

Its now January 7th and Im finally writing about Christmas. Better late than never, right? :) We spent Christmas Eve with my Mom's side of the family, Christmas day at my parents, and the day after Christmas with my Dad's family! Nathan worked both Christmas Day and the day after :(  For those of you that don't know...he's a nurse at a hospital and although I wish they could, they cant just close the doors because its Christmas like other places can. I admire him so much for his profession. Its such a self-less job and going into nursing you know you wont get to spend holidays with your family because you will be taking care of somebody else's. Its a hard thing to give up and especially after the year we've had it would have been nice if he had a "normal" job with "normal" hours (he does 12 hour shifts...7am- 7:30pm) so we could have spent the day together. But we're just thankful he has a job and that he's healthy enough to work and not be on the flip side of things being a patient in the hospital who didn't get to go home at all that night. We are blessed!

Christmas Eve

My aunts, mom and I

 Loving on my grandma

 My little cousin...

isn't he the cutest thing you've ever seen?

 Christmas Day

Finally spending time with my hubby 

after his long day of work

 Day after Christmas

Beautiful Cousin and Nana

 The whole gang...

minus Nathan and my little brother J  who was also working!

We had a great Christmas spent with our loved ones....

Case Closed!

When I was first diagnosed with cancer I was assigned a case manager.  At first I wasn't too sure how I felt about it because she called often.....a lot was needing to be done (tests, treatments, appointments, 2nd opinions etc...) and I was overwhelmed enough trying to process the fact that I had cancer let alone take calls and talk to this lady all the time. But, it didn't take long for me to be extremely grateful for her. She did everything! She made my appointments, scheduled the tests, worked on the insurance authorizations, called just to see how I was feeling and how treatment was going. Anytime I had a question about anything relating to my care I'd call and she'd always pick up and I'd have an answer right away..which was so relieving considering the circumstance. She was amazing! Well she called today to ask how I was and to let me know as far as everything on her end is concerned my case is closed! Yippeeeeee! What a blessing! Of course I'll still have the PET/CT scans done every 3 months but my Radiation Oncologist office will be scheduling those so I wont need her anymore! I told her how helpful she was and how appreciative I was for all she'd done for me but I hope to never need her again! Wouldn't that be great? I'm praying!

2010...You Will NOT be Missed or Forgotten

2010 was a WILD ride for us! We have great memories from the year and not so great ones. I will not miss 2010 but will take all I've learned in that year with my for the rest of my life.

We started this blog in August but here's a recap of all of 2010....

January 1st- Our Dog,Jack, ate a poisonous plant, almost died, had his stomach pumped, was on doggy life support and spent 3 days in the animal hospital. We should have known then this year wasn't shaping up to be good.

January 30th- My brother, Josh and I were in a head-on collision. My car was totaled and if it weren't for our seat belts and air bags we'd be dead.  Thank God it wasn't my fault. I was going 45 mph she was going 30mph = 75mph head on...not fun. Besides bad bruising and 4 months at the Chiropractor...We are good and very blessed.

May 6- My cousin was killed in a car accident at the age of 24..very sad and hard on the whole family.

July 16- Emergency surgery to stop internal bleeding caused by an ectopic pregnancy. Spent a few days in the hospital.

August 17- Surgery to remove "cyst" in my wrist

August 23- Diagnosed with Synovial Sarcoma cancer

September 3- Surgery to implant medi-port

October 18- Started 7 1/2 weeks of radiation

November 18- Surgery to have medi-port taken out

December 10- Last radiation treatment...total of 37

Even though 2010 wasn't one of my favorite years...It could have been worse..I still feel very blessed and am thankful for my amazing hubby,supportive family, and the grace and love of the Lord. What more could a girl want?

As I think back on the tumultuous year we had only one verse comes to mind.....

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11


2010..you will not be missed or forgotten! We look forward to 2011 and what it has in store for us!